Mr. Ted

Meet Mr. Ted

After nearly three decades in pet food retail, Mr. Ted threw all caution to the wind and enrolled in a crash course in building security and maintenance.

One night, on his beat at Janklow and Nesbit in Manhattan, he discovered the joys of literature. Applying himself with relish to his new-found calling, Ted immediately secured the rights to the Golden Diatribes of Dr. Jothi Parbinder (an Indian self-help guru also working the security beat at Janklow and Nesbit). In a matter of days, the two literary mavericks were renting an office in Hackettstown, New Jersey, determined to change literature forever.

Ted Jothi Literary Associates closed its doors in less than a month, when Dr. Parbinder vanished after mysteriously reverse-charging ten years of unpaid electricity bills he’d discovered in an office filing cabinet back to Jersey Central Power & Light, landing Mr. Ted in the pen for three years.

In prison, Mr. Ted struck up a literary correspondence with author Max Sheridan, who had by chance written a 5-star review of the Golden Diatribes for Dr. Parbinder in exchange for two 3-star reviews of his first novel, an agreement Parbinder never honored.

When Ted was released from prison at the age of 52, a licensed pastor, he convinced Sheridan to let him manage his transatlantic literary career in exchange for a 5% cut and his assistance in tracking down their mutual nemesis, Dr. Parbinder—who at the time still owed Sheridan his two 3-star reviews.

Today, Mr. Ted is more devoted than ever to advancing the literary careers of a select clientele. While he focuses primarily on self-help, sports, conspiracy theories, sci-fi, detective series, professional gambling memoirs, YA, horror, speculative and literary fiction, illustrated children’s books, feminism, trans and non-binary authors, diaspora voices, dissident literatures, and diet and nutrition manuals, with the occasional foray into self-published genealogies, Tarot and Cabala guides and pet care, he is really open to anything with a fresh perspective and a solid market.

If you have a literary opportunity for Max Sheridan—or a clue about the whereabouts of Dr. Jothi Parbinder—please contact Mr. Ted here.